Teaser...

As I look over my past few blogs I quickly realize for one how infrequently I blog now, and two that my most recent blogs seem to be more teasers than actual blogs. So I've decided to include something worth reading (well, I suppose that's debatable but it's something I wrote for St. Joe's as a spiritual reflection that is published throughout the hospital) after giving the bulleted rundown on my life.

So the run down...
- we moved!!!! yes, with the help of family and friends this weekend Josh and I left our apartment of 4.5 years behind for a two bedroom high-rise in down town Hamilton. It has yet to be determined if we have completely lost our minds, but the move went more or less smoothly and most of the boxes have been opened if not unpacked. We have yet to find our alarm clock though.....
- Blizzard is this weekend.... fun fun fun with over 700 highschoolers and lots of winter fun and good worship, awesome speakers, and encounter with God.
- I have officially made it through my advanced application process and am already 4 weeks into my first advanced unit....
- With my PCE unit (chaplaincy lingo for counseling focused chaplaincy unit) I'm undertaking a research project on patients experience of the process of considering the question of whether to continue or discontinue dialysis.... a rather somber topic, but I'm discovering that very little research has been done on this topic .... maybe fame will come my way..... then again.... I would need to be published and then get a job that would allow me to keep on the cutting edge of that research....... so maybe not
- ummm...... can't really think of anything else newish or exciting-ish so one with the spiritual reflection......

Letting Go

Have you ever tried to pick something up when your hands are already full? Has someone ever tried to hand something to you but there was no way you could add another thing to your load?

I was presented with an image the other day of young child playing at a beach. His mother called him over to see a beautiful shell she had found. She suggested that the boy pick it up and take it over to show his father what a beautiful shell they had found. The little boy bent down and reached his hands out to pick it up but then hesitated, and stood back up. “Why don’t you pick it up?’ the mother asked again, and again the boy reached down as if to pick it up but hesitated again. Then he said to his mother, “I can’t.” The little boy’s hands were too full of the pebbles that he had collected from the beach and he was not willing to let them go to pick up this beautiful shell.

I have often struggled in my own life this very same unwillingness to let go of what I have, and am content with, what I am certain of, such that I can be open to possibility. It feels so much safe to cling to what I know than to put what I know aside and set out on an unfamiliar path that hold all kinds of unknown potential. And yet my experience tells me that often there is far more growth, far more learning, far more to be gained along the way when I am open to the unknown. It is not always easy of comfortable, but what I gain more than compensates. I offer you the insight Henri Nouwen as he speaks to this very topic:

For years I have loved watching the trapeze artists. The love began when my then-eighty-nine-year-old father came for a visit. Let’s go to the circus, we decided one day. That evening we watched five South African trapeze artists – three fliers and two catchers. They danced in the air! The fliers soared and all was dangerous until they found themselves caught by the strong hands of their partners. I told my father that I had always wanted to fly like that, that perhaps I had missed my calling!

I am constantly moved by the courage of my circus friends. At each performance they trust that their flight will end with their hands sliding into the secure grip of a partner. They also know that only the release of the secure bar allows them to move on with arcing grace to the next. Before they can be caught they must let go. They must brave the emptiness of space.

Living with this kind of willingness to let go is one of the greatest challenges we face. Whether it concerns a person, possession, or personal reputation, in so many areas we hold on at all costs. We become heroic defender of our dearly gained happiness. We treat our sometimes inevitable losses as failures in the battle of survival. The great paradox is that it is in letting go, we receive. (Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning into Dancing)

What is it in your life that you are clinging to that it may be time to let go of? What are you missing because your hands are already clenched tightly to something else?